I will have to keep meditating on this today. My eyes are filled with tears… I was late for my call this morning…
But I did make it to the call! Why is it so much easier to punish ourselves?
As I wake up this morning… I feel horrible. I thought I set my timer to wake me… but I did not.
What’s rising for me today… is this overwhelming feeling of taking on too much and finding balance.
What risks am I taking in my writing?
SLOW IT DOWN… Breathe Alicia… Be gentle with yourself…
I just jumped onto the call at 5:30am (30 minutes late) and I needed to warm up before I could even begin this call. I am curious about how the writing session went without me. When I joined the call at 5:30am I noticed there were several womyn already on the call. YAYYYYYY I am super happy about that. I wonder what that felt like for them. Were they able to jump right in and begin their writing session without me? (OR) Did they feel lost, abandoned and without direction?
As I write this post this morning I am hoping that they were able to just dive right in and allow for their pen to guide them.
Once they began their longer writing session I began my day again…
As I wake up this morning … I was absolutely late for our call today and I feel terrible. I didn’t set my alarm and when I finally did wake I could not get onto the call. It’s so interesting how when you are late for something important everything that could go wrong does go wrong…
I tried dialing in six times before the pass code was finally accepted. My body has been… is super exhausted.
Yesterday… Wednesdays are my longest days and to top it all off I went to see Bell Hooks (which was amazing) but I missed an important meeting last night with a writer.
BALANCE! Work, life, writer balance… I still have not mastered it. Alicia, don’t be so hard on yourself I need to release this feeling of disappointment. I am feeling super emotional this morning. I am meditating on this idea of needing to be PEREFCT – of being perfect… of not fucking up. I have so many womyn who depend on me and I never want to disappoint them. So I release all of that.
YES… I was late! But I made it! Tomorrow is a new day! Today is not done!
What’s rising for me today… was something I heard in a Gloria Steinem documentary, “In My Words”. She said, “I don’t want to die… I really like being here!” she’s not ready to leave this place. She loves what she does. What do you think keeps a person young? What’s the secret?
Gloria is a woman who is 80 years old… and has left a most profound mark.
What mark are we making? What are we hoping to leave behind when it comes to our stories? Why must we write it?
What risks am I raking in my writing? The themes I write about are the risks…. The issues that rise for me are around not being liked when talking about men, sexism, white supremacy, racism, capitalism, privilege, abuse, patriarchy, inequality, equity, and gender… I have been meditating a lot on how even in the world I am creating that is my story I am up against some characters who try to silence me.
When your characters try to silence you… I will sit with that… I will write more about that later… What does that mean to you? And how do you handle this?
My intention for today is to break the silence and allow my female characters to lead even though the world they live in is in fact male dominated.
And so it is…
As I wake up this morning … (Set timer for 5 minutes)
What’s rising for me today… (Set timer for 5 minutes)
What risks am I taking in my writing? (Set timer for 5 minutes)
My intention for today is… (Set timer for 5 minutes)
10 minutes of free-writing pay attention to scents that take you back to a specific moment or time in your stories.
30 minutes writing in scene in order to flush it out.
Reflection I leave you with…
We are being called to look at the world… to be critical… to show our worlds as WE see it… to take risks and break rules.
In terms of the scenes you are writing… Hooks talks about the scents… “scent of memory”… Bell says, “for it was the smells that carried me back.” What are the scents that bring you back to specific moments, to certain memories, people and places?
As I leave you all today… I am sending so much love. Now I will go make myself a bath!
And so it is. Namaste. Aché
With all my love,
© 2014 Alicia Anabel Santos. All Rights Reserved.