The Seduction

Excerpted from Finding Your Force, Chapter 26

Sharing our lives when it has always been just US~

Things were changing in our lives. You and I were good. My writing career was taking off. I no longer had the need to be in a relationship. I wasn’t looking for anyone. It has just been you and me. We were doing fantastic. I was more inspired than I’d ever been. I was writing everyday. I was attracting abundance in everything. Our lives were about to change. I could feel it. We were at dinner at our favorite African restaurant when you said to me, “Mom, you did it! It’s amazing. Everything you said you were going to do you did! We’ve done it. The move to New York, apartment in the city, published writer, and you’re working on the Daughters of the Revolution. I’m so proud of you!”

silhouette of mother kissing her daughter

I’ve tried so hard to be a good role model for you. I have spent my life thinking about how every choice, every big decision and every move I have made affects you. Our entire family especially Tia would always have something to say about how I treated you and respected you. They can’t understand our relationship. It so fucking foreign to them how close we are. Tia could not accept why I was treating you like my equal, almost as if I should be treating you like a useless piece of shit. They believed that you should be invisible and have no thoughts of your own. I didn’t care – no one could tell me shit about how to raise you. We have built a pretty great life together. It’s been you and me for such a long time. We were better than good. We were happy.


We think we know when things will happen or why they happen but we have no idea. This is what I have told myself time and time again and most recently that I would know when the love I’ve been waiting for has arrived. I just knew that I would recognize the love that was being sent and prepared for me the moment I got here. I believed that I would know when I met him. We think we know what love will look like when it arrives. We create this idea of how they will be packaged creating checklists of the things we’re looking for. We write down ALL the things, qualities, characteristics, similar beliefs and careers that we expect and want our potential partner to have. And we even keep a separate list of the things that we might consider letting slide. That second list contains the things that we might overlook in order to have love. These things that we do in fact settle for… just to say we have found THE ONE.

When ever I meet someone that I’m considering having a romantic relationship with the issue of having children always comes up. I’m not perfect and certainly have many flaws but starting my life all over with an infant is something that I have resisted for a long time. I think as far back as when you were a baby. I’m usually the first person to bring it up and have been known to bring it up on a first date. One night you and I were talking about love and relationships and you said, “Maybe we need to find someone who has everything we want even if they don’t blow our minds or we’re not madly in love with them.” You were telling me that maybe we shouldn’t be so picky and be open to the potential of what people bring and not what we believe they can offer us. That really has settled inside of me.


The Seduction~

YOU took me~
YOU had your way with me~
Whispering succulence into my ear…
YOU did things…
You made me want to…


By the water and
For the sun to set~
I’m left with
Your greatest conquest
obsession ~
I the accused intruder~
the girl in the dream~
I’m no dream come true~
part of me still fears you…

You’re seducing me~
With your words~
Luring me~
Taking me~
Pleasing me~
And I succumb~
If I allowed you
to have me
in that way…
Then what?
Am I yours?


I don’t give it up to JUST anyone
like that~
YES – do tell me what I wanna hear~
The words…
My feet are firmly planted~
your words~
Rise in me…
This sense of uncertainty~


Questioning la verdad~
Quien eres tu?
that’s what I’ll call you~
What do you want from me?
Whisper those sweet nothings
Taking from me those things
that make me…

The words make me want to open myself
OPEN my…
That’s it
right there…
My soul~
Like I said I don’t know you~
But I know words~
LOVE will know…
How to win my heart~
The right words~
But those words alone~
Can’t sustain me~
They’ll never obtain me~
The pleasure I seek is deeper than a hands touch…
There’s a spot~
That spot…
where ONLY few know how to receive me~
Reserved for ONE~


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