Nepal trip ~ Day 1: Goodbye dinner and Reflection / What I will take with me

Welcome to the 40 day writing challenge!!!!!!!!! Everyday we will be writing together. Reflecting. Exploring. Hiking some pretty treacherous trails. But you can do this! We can do this! We will do this TOGETHER. See you tomorrow in Nepal! ❤️

Day 1: Goodbye dinner and Reflection / What I will take with me ~

Good morning day. Last night was the most amazing gathering. All who love me were in attendance. A few people read poetry, Tamara sang a beautiful song, and people told stories. The new house was filled with love, and music and yummy foods. My mother made all my favorites, there was pernil, eggplant, arroz con guandules and lasagna. And papi brought Johnny and Presidente. I was so excited to see the beautiful Lalita walk into the space. She gave me the most magnificent journals and tribal music to listen to and encouraged me to spend a lot of time praying and meditating… one for giving thanks and the other to really listen for the answers to the questions that have been tormenting me. She reminded me to smile often!

My parents hugged me and joked about how crazy I was to take on this journey, “Only white people do crazy shit like this!!!” We all laughed… Papi whispered in my ear… “tu tienes unos cojones mi hija!” That I have huge balls!!! I just smiled and responded… no pa, tengo unos OVARIOOOSSSSS … My brother Fabio joked about how I was never gonna make it, saying, “I give you one week and you will be back with us!” My sisters Josie and Fabiana gave me all kinds of messages like, “Fuck Fabio, show him how we do this!” They filled me with messages of love and faith and belief in ME! How proud they always are of me… How this is a great adventure! And how I conquer everything I tackle! They are my biggest cheerleaders.

Emma, the worrier, cried as she hugged me telling me to be careful and not fall off a cliff, “cause I’ll kill you if you die girl!” LMAO!!! Kelly was there with James and the boys… and she never really has to say much, because the way she looks at me says everything… a woman of few words but when she does speak I listen… she just held me and sometimes that’s just exactly what I need… to know that I AM HELD up is everything. Patricia, my prayer warrior and sister was there… she led us all in prayer about this journey and promised to pray for me every day… and I believe her. I LOVE HER! Rock told me to go fuck myself!!! He loves me! Of course he told me to take in EVERYFUCKINGBIT OFIT. Yoseli told me how much she would miss me and how proud she was of me and to bring her back something beautiful from my journey. If I could bring her a mountain I would!

The women from my writers tribe, the NYC Latina Writers Group were all present old and new, and they each gave me a hand written letter that was glued to the pages of a beautiful journal with photos that they wanted me to only read when I was away with messages as reminders of who I am and what I mean to them.

And last but not least… I saved the best hug for last… my final moments with my beautiful, brilliant, and beloved daughter Courtney… well she just reminded me of who I am, how in awe of me she is and how proud she is to be my daughter, my partner… she told me she is proud of everything I have achieved and all that I do to reinvent… start over… transform… be better… give more… and then she just held me… as she cried… tears that told me she would miss me… but tears that felt like kisses… like gentle hugging of my cheeks… and now I am off… I will miss them all. I am so grateful for my family and friends. I love them so much! Now I can go!!!

How amazing that I get to begin this journey on my beloved mothers birthday. Happy Birthday madre Bella. I love you.


What I will take with me:

1) Flashlight

2) Lighter

3) Journals/pens

4) Walking boots / comfy warm sock (6pairs)

5) Sleeping bag

6) Camera

7) Skittles/starburst

8) Ellegua/ogun

9) Warm thermal blanket

10) Clothes – pack light

11) Rope

12) Rain gear

13) Water bottle

14) Pictures of my people

Please post your journey in my comments on my blog for each day and let’s begin. I am so excited to have you join us.

Everything else is provided. And we are off! I am off to the airport… and so it is. Aché!

8 thoughts on “Nepal trip ~ Day 1: Goodbye dinner and Reflection / What I will take with me

    1. Yayyyyyyyyy. I am so excited my love. That’s why you didn’t make it to the dinner because you were having your own at home. See you when we land in Nepal. I am so excited about this.


  1. It wasn’t as strange as I had thought it would be with it being just the four of us, me, cassie, mami and papi. Intimate gatherings were never our strong points. Papi was a man of few words and less when it seemed the moment called for some affection and mami simply followed suit but tonight felt different; that awkward feeling was still there but so was a refreshing air of acceptance, maybe, dare I even confuse it with that rarity of love at the Lucret dinner table.

    And so it began. Reality. Reality and rice. Reality. They had to look at me. They had to talk to me. They had to but wait, mami had tidbits of rice to share. Whenever the room felt a little too stuffy, she’d break out with, “Have you tried the rice?….It’s a bit salty today, right?…I made rice pudding the other day….I have to remember to buy more rice….Bobe, when are we going back to C-Town?” And so it went. The diversion.

    Papi called everyone on his contact list to tell them know. “Que Becky se va” he’d say into the cell phone speaker. And he’d hand me the phone every single time. Needless to say I spoke to a handful of people, both family members and my father’s friends who wished me a safe trip and some random travel advice. My favorite came from my aunt, “mija don’t forget to bring condoms with you. Don’t come back pregnant with a monks baby, okay? And don’t drink the water, there might be an eel swimming in it. Que Dios te bendiga. Besos.”


    But eventually it all had to end and the moment finally came. The symphony of kitchen cutlery. Spoons scraping china, ice cubes rattling in glass, the low hum of unsynchronized chewing and the sound of centerpieces sliding around the table. Everyone just ate until Cassie asked for more iced tea at which mami jumped in and made another huge ordeal. Killing time. So I had to. I spoke first.

    I’ve left the keys marked so you know which is which and cassie has after school on Monday and Tuesdays so she’ll be home later, like around 4:30. And remember the cacti di eant need as much water as the crest of the plants, okay? Papi? Are you listening to me?

    And then he looked up from his plate, put his fork slowly and carefully in his semi finished bowl and looked at me so hard he burned right through me and said, “Will this make you happy?”
    I was stunned.
    “Why not go to Puerto Rico? You have family there……CONTESTA!”

    But I didn’t. I just pushed food around with my fork. I couldn’t look directly at him but then he did the strangest thing and it caught my attention. He bent over his chair and pulled out a leather bound book and held it for what seemed like infinity. He sat there with a look on his face that I never saw before and mami gently put her hand on his shoulder, another action I’ve never witnessed and then as if that was what he needed, he slid the book across the table to me, never taking his eyes off me. “Abrelo.” And I looked at man I whose facial expression didn’t change and I looked at Cassie who stood as curious as I was and I opened the book.

    There on the first page, in his tiny penmanship where his big words. They read:

    Hija mia,

    Por fin empiezas a vivir!

    No sabes la alegria que me das.

    El Viejo.

    And so…..packing.

    Papi’s leather journal.
    One blanket.
    A pack of mechanical pencils.
    Pablo Neruda’s Book of Questions.
    A picture of Cassie.
    Four days worth of clothes.
    One roll of toilet paper.
    A floppy hat.
    Packets of electrolytes.
    Pack of Snack Well sandwich cookies.
    Climbing gear
    And condoms (the auntie said so!)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s