Good morning day!
I keep hearing the womyn saying, chanting, reminding me, “Keep climbing! Keep climbing! Keep Climbing! Push Alicia! We are with you! You are not alone!” I have never been this high in all my life. I have been too exhausted to write, and we have finally arrived to South East Base Camp of Makalu North Ridge at BC 4800m. I am having so much difficulty breathing–we all are. We have to sleep with oxygen masks.
Vedanti reminded us today that we are doing this not because it is easy we are doing this because we are destined to reach the top. We were all placed on this mountain together for a reason. We were supposed to go on this journey together. There are things we are here to learn. There are things we are called to leave. This is our calling.
Everything looks so much smaller from way up here… Even my problems seem smaller.
Why do we make our problems so much bigger than they are?
Why are we so worried?
What are we worried about?
What do we think will happen?
Today I meditated on the things that worry me.
Why am I so worried?
What am I worried about?
Why am I allowing my worries to consume me?
Why can’t I let worry go?
What am I worried will happen?
We can become obsessed and allow worry to get out of control:
Worrying about where the money will come from.
Worrying about whether or not we will be ok.
Worrying about whether or not we will have all that we need.
Worrying about if and when they will leave us.
Worrying about whether or not they love us.
Worried that we aren’t enough.
Worried that something is wrong with us.
Worried that we aren’t smart enough.
Worried that we aren’t good enough.
Worried that we will fail.
Worried that we don’t have what it takes.
Worried that it is too good to be true and that it will inevitably all end.
Worried that we won’t make it to the top.
How do we keep climbing and get passed all of this worry?
We spoke this evening about our LIFE intention and whether what we are asking for is the life we are living. My life’s intention… What exactly is this? What is the life I INTEND to have? How am I starting each day? What very specific steps am I taking to have the life that I want? What am I waiting for? What do I believe?
What DO YOU believe?
What are your thoughts?
Are our thoughts in proportion with our life’s intention? Are they balanced? Are they in alignment with one another?
I know for me…
My deepest desires and intentions are things I think about often. But sometimes I allow worry to blind me and I forget to not give more energy to the things that I don’t want. My life’s intention is for an amazing life… For an abundance of love and all good things… For a life filled with the most beautiful love shared with the people I adore the most… My life’s intention is around writing and storytelling and living with a tremendous amount of purpose. My life’s intention is living my potential fully.
But then there is a shift,,,
Something is out of whack.
My beliefs sometimes don’t align. Sometimes I forget to hold onto my life’s intention daily.
What am I believing in… Am I placing my belief in the things I want or in the things I am worried about?
How do we release worry when some of us believe we can’t live without it?
This is my meditation today… I am reflecting on worry free living…
I am thinking about the moments in my life where I was without worry. There was a time I lived completely without a care in the world. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about things. I care deeply about everything… what I wasn’t permitting during that time in my life was that I wasn’t allowing myself to be consumed with worry, doubt, fear or shame. I held onto my life’s intention and believed fully in myself and in my dreams.
It was the year 2005, after I was voluntarily laid off from my old job. This was the job where I had experienced one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. The place where I opened his office door and found my beautiful boss KB dead in his office… That moment marked me… Filled me with darkness and it wasn’t until I could no longer walk into that building, a year after his passing, that I finally rose from the ashes. I stopped worrying about what I would find if I opened that door… I began to nourish myself with LOVE. After spending the first five months without a job I began to put myself back together again. I was enrolled at NYU, taking creative writing and I had no income…. I had no income but more importantly I had NO worries…
There was something about my life then that felt like I was in perfect alignment. I wasn’t worried about IT!
I wasn’t worried about where IT was going to come from because I knew IT would be provided to me.
I never doubted IT.
I knew IT.
I understood that IT would never leave me.
IT is my trust and faith that I have been replacing with doubt and worry.
So let’s start again… It’s time to surrender….
Let’s keep climbing.
One by one I will release all worry and surrender all doubt because I know IT has never left me… IT has always been with me. IT will always be provided for me. And for this knowing I am so incredibly grateful.
Thank you for this day. Namaste ~ And so it is. Aché
✿✿Note to readers following our journey: Now that we have begun our climb I will not be posting to facebook as often. Please follow my blog at the top of the page. Thank you for your love and well wishes.
✿✿Note to newcomers accepting the writing challenge! You can begin the challenge at any point. There is no right or wrong way to participate. You are not being graded or judged. This is a gift we are giving ourselves. So be gentle during this process. We are about to climb a mountain, YO! Remember that. Remember we must be present. Release all self-defeating thoughts. You can do this. I do want to remind the new climbers that no matter what day you decide to join the challenge please begin at the beginning. It’s important to prepare! Please remember to post your daily responses in my comments on my blog. Sending you all love. See you at the top of the mountain.
With all my love,