“Caminante, no se hace el camino, el camino se hace al andar… Traveler, there is no path, a path is made by walking.”
This quote was all he wrote on a piece of paper for me before I left for this journey over two weeks ago.
There is a point where we think we know the way… But we have nooooo idea. Our course has changed. We have been called to adjust to unforeseeable weather and unexpected changes to our route and every inch of my body is in pain. We finally arrived to Camp 1 and we are all feeling quite victorious. This is a day of rest. Of connecting with our loved ones.
“Caminante, no se hace el camino, el camino se hace al andar...”
I was suffocating. I was having an anxiety attack. I was uncomfortable. My chest was tight I couldn’t move. I felt stuck. I was trapped. I was gasping for air. I was taking small breathes with urgency, but it felt like none was getting to my lungs. It felt like I was dying slowly. It was too small… I was too big… It felt too tight… I could barely move.
I woke up in a sweat and called for Chandani. She came running to my room. I told her about my dreams. I couldn’t remember all of them only specific moments. In the first dream I was at a wedding. There were several people I know but many I didn’t know. It was held in this huge mansion with hundreds of acres. There were water fountains, ice sculptures, the wedding colors were gold and black. There was a live band playing hip hop. People were dancing and I spent a lot of time walking the grounds. I ran into a friend I knew and we just made eye contact–no words spoken. There were famous people everywhere taking photos. Then this young man ran over to me and said, “You missed the prayer, it was beautiful.” And that’s all I really remember.
She looked at me with fear in her eyes and said, “Dreams about weddings symbolize death! You will be going to a funeral.”
My eyes welled up with tears as she held me. Chandani also told me that their were other meanings for weddings generally about new beginnings, fresh starts and transitions. And all I kept thinking was… Why couldn’t she had led with that? Damn!!!!
“You are experiencing significant change in your life. You are not the same person you were two weeks ago. You aren’t even the same person you were yesterday. Your dreams hold messages. Dreams are important signs that serve as life guides. You are going through a period of transformation… This is why you are dreaming so much. You are being called to listen to something. You are being called to see something. Open your eyes. The sweating… The suffocating… The not being able to fit… It being too tight. What is it that you are GROWING OUT of and more importantly what is it that you are GROWING IN TO?”
What Chandani asked me has stayed with me hours later… my dreams around suffocation and this tightnes I have felt has everything to do with my old home. I’ve out grown it.. for as much as I have spent so many years trying to purge out excess things I no longer need, it still hasn’t been enough. Ridding myself of 100s of books, donating all of my most beautiful clothes, not the shoes or heels. Let’s not get crazy. I kept the Carlos Santana’s and my sexy, snake skin, green suede heels… But I HAVE outgrown my old life.
As I stare out into this open space… Looking at THE spectacular view that is this incredible mountain, it is a magical place. There is so much out there… There is so much more for me to do. It is so much bigger than me and I am so much bigger than this. The old life no longer serves me. Toxic people I have surrounded myself with no longer serves me. New York no longer serves me. Harlem no longer serves me. This beautiful life, a space that once filled me with so much… is suffocating me… I have outgrown it.
Expansion is what I desperately require… A new life is what I desire…
Room to breathe
Room to move
Room to grow
Room to pray
Room to love
Room to play
Room to share
Room to create
Room to just….
This is what I am growing into… something bigger… something greater.. something new. something mine. something more. I am saying goodbye to New York and hello to my new life… after experiencing this imense space and tranquility…. how could I return to the tightness and chaos of a small one bedroom? I am too big!
I have outgrown it
I have outgrown you
It’s time to begin anew
And for all you have given me
I thank you.
Thank you for this day. Namaste ~ And so it is. Aché
✿✿Note to readers following our journey: Now that we have begun our climb I will not be posting to facebook as often. Please follow my blog at the top of the page. Thank you for your love and well wishes.
✿✿Note to newcomers accepting the writing challenge! You can begin the challenge at any point. There is no right or wrong way to participate. You are not being graded or judged. This is a gift we are giving ourselves. So be gentle during this process. We are about to climb a mountain, YO! Remember that. Remember we must be present. Release all self-defeating thoughts. You can do this. I do want to remind the new climbers that no matter what day you decide to join the challenge please begin at the beginning. It’s important to prepare! Please remember to post your daily responses in my comments on my blog. Sending you all love. See you at the top of the mountain.
With all my love,