I took all of my clothes and stood naked on the mountain.
I was completely exposed.
I stood in the fullness of me.
I stood in the completeness of me.
I stood in all of me.
I stood in the nothingness of me.
I stood in the emptiness of me. I stood in the pain of me.
I stood in the hurt in me.
I stood in the violence in me.
I stood in the depths of me.
I stood in the perception of me. I stood in the truth of me.
I stood in the faith in me.
I stood in the daughter in me.
I stood as the mother in me.
I stood as the writer in me.
I stood as the child in me.
I stood as the girl in me.
I stood as the woman in me.
I stood as the lover in me.
I stood as the love that is me.
Would you still love me if you really saw me? Would you love me If you really knew me?
Today I spent the day with Dhriti. She shared a story with me about her first time reaching the top of the mountain. She knew before taking on this journey that there was something she wanted to leave at the top of the mountain. She began by untying her shoes. She took off her many layers, her boots, socks, jacket and hoody. She climbed out of her pants… she was wearing three pairs. She stood there in the cold… exposed… no longer caring what others would think. She no longer worried about people staring or commenting about the way she looks. She was no longer concerned about the others and what was happening in the outside world. The moment she stood there naked she was no longer afraid. She stripped herself of all the hurt… the hurt caused by worlds of pain… all the pain of a past that has kept her captive. She told me she was done with it… with all of it… done carrying it… done pushing it away… done rejecting it, done with pretending to be ok…
She told me that the moment she dropped every item of clothing… she found herself.
I have spent 14 years writing…
14 years searching…
14 years climbing…
14 years exploring…
14 years dreaming that the pen would erase the pain…
Today I am meditating about writing about being done with things… And how this doesn’t really mean I am done with them or that they are done with me.
Today as I stand here naked. I am beginning to see the real me and she is flawed but magnificent.
And so it is. Namaste. Aché
With all my love,