What I will remember most about the mountain…
I began this journey afraid. I was scared of its heights. I was scared of falling. I was scared of failing. I was scared of losing. I was scared of forgetting. I was scared of being resented. I was scared of being forgotten. I was scared of being alone. I was scared they would stop loving me. I was scared they would never understand. I was scared of being thought of and seen as selfish.
I began this journey thinking a lot about all the pain I had been carrying all the way up this mountain. All the stuff I brought with me to Nepal. I am remembering all the weight I carried, in addition to the equipment I was carrying. I had been carrying so much that no longer served me for way too long. I carried so many peoples pain up this mountain. Things that had been weighing me down and that could have meant life or death for me at any moment. There were things I brought with me on this journey that were completely draining and were not about me.
As I stand at the very bottom of Makalu looking up at all that I have accomplished in one month… I DID IT! I DID THIS! This mountain is massive and I climbed it. What a tremendous achievement. I am exhilarated. I feel lighter. I feel freer. I feel amazing.
What I have gained from this mountain is upper body strength, stamina, faith, friendships, hope, and faith in myself.
Today I trust my choices.
Today I am forgiven my mistakes.
Today I hope for my future.
Today I have a plan.
Today I have direction for my life.
Today I am restored.
Today I believe in love.
Today I am grounded in truth.
Today I value my worth and work.
Today I know what I am here to do.
Today I am honoring me and my place this world.
Today I am generous with my spirit.
Today I am open to soul exchanges.
I arrived to this mountain weak, in despair, disappointed, depressed… I was looking for something that I felt I lost. Now I leave stronger than I have ever been with killer arm muscles. I have learned to pull myself up. I am practicing lifting myself up daily! I have learned to balance and steady my weight. All that I have gained is a gift and a blessing. I now know how to climb. I may slip. I may fall. But I will pull myself up!
The days are coming quickly. This journey is coming to an end. I am beginning to get excited about my return home. I am happy to be returning home to my loves. But even happier to be going home to my home, to my altar, and to my things. And while they are just things, they are things that I love being around. My comforts, my practice, my art, my space.
Today I am grateful to be in Nepal but even more grateful to be going home.
And so it is. Namaste. Aché
With all my love,
THIS IS FOR YOU A CHECKLIST:
AFRAID? GO DO IT ANYWAY! I am scared all the time! Take a deep breath.