Not so long ago I left corporate america vowing to never return. I was making over $80K a year, 401K package and company stocks. During that time in my life I could easily spend $300-$500 on any given weekend for no particular occasion, dining at some of New York’s posh restaurants and drinking at the most expensive bars. And yes I bought myself a $400 pair of knee high suede/snakeskin boots. And I loved every minute of it!
While I was living “the life” other parts of me felt like they were dying. Pieces of the mask began to crumble until I could no longer hide the truth about what I was feeling. I hated the people and magazine company I worked for. You know the one… there is a movie about them… and I couldn’t stand the people who said, “I would die to work there!”
I was DYING! Literally! I could no longer play the game. Walking into that building felt like the walls were closing in on me, I felt small and could barely breathe. When I finally had my breakdown I was DONE!
I was done being the doormat!
I was done being devalued!
I was done being dismissed!
I was done being disrespected!
I was done NOT being seen!
I was DONE!
After my week of not showering or being able to get out of bed. I was done feeling defeated! My daughter, therapist, family and close friends during that time helped me find my way back. I learned to take care of myself. I learned to give myself what I needed. And I surrounded myself by people who loved me… who TRULY LOVED ME! You need these people in your life when you are going through moments like this. Moments when YOU the person they rely on for strength falls apart… moments when they are terrified, because they have never NOT seen you together or holding it down! These people lifted me… they stayed! And I did the work I needed to… that spiritual work to get myself back!
Over the past few weeks I have forgotten that truth…
The truth is that I always know exactly what I need at any given moment to pull myself out of it. And most importantly reminding myself of who I AM!
There are people who will judge us or try to shame us for the decisions we make in the name of self-care, self-love and the pursuit of our dreams.
There are people who think it is their right to tell others how they should feel and what they should or shouldn’t be doing.
Today I am remembering why I left corporate america and all the security that came with it.
I chose me!
I chose writing!
I chose peace!
I chose self-respect!
I chose freedom!
I chose art!
I chose my health!
I chose spirit!
I left because it was time for me to put myself first. And yes it has come at great cost. Gone are the days of lavishly living and spending frivolously. There are some who believe I should not ask for help… because, “you chose that life!” Yes I did! I chose this life! I chose me!
I am at a point in my life where I understand that giving is not obligated… its not contingent on me loving those in my life… I am so thankful to those who have supported me… who can support me… and those who have ALWAYS supported me. But it’s not obligated.
No matter what happens with this campaign my heart will be FULL, I will be grateful and my life will be that much freer because of you.
We out to Cuba soon! For this and for all of you I am eternally grateful!