Dear Prince,
Yesterday was a devastatingly painful day. I was riding the train to Vermont when I read a tweet that you were gone. I called my daughter immediately to confirm and she said, “No mama, let’s not jump to conclusions… there’s an investigation. Lets just wait it out.”
But even seeing that on a feed was enough to stop me in my tracks. I was in shock. I couldn’t focus on the speech I was finalizing on Social Justice. How could I go and inspire college students on activism, social justice, being vocal and seen in a world that wants to keep us on the outside??? All I wanted to do was watch hours of interviews and footage about your life and all that you contributed to the world and to meditate on what you gave me personally. It happened so fast… the news confirmed that you had in fact passed away.
DAMN!
NOOOO!
NOT PRINCE!!!
NOT MY PRINCE!!!
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
It was too much… my entire teenage years came crashing back into this 44-year-old body. Your songs were the soundtrack to my entire life experience. The movie was released the day after my 13th birthday. I remember watching WHEN DOVES CRY…
How could you just leave me standing
Alone in a world so cold…
Maybe I’m just too demanding…
Maybe I’m just like my father… too bold!
Maybe I’m just like my mother… she’s never satisfied!
Why do we scream at each other… this is what it sounds like when doves cry!
There are things you are trying to understand when you are in a 13 year old girl’s body. Just entering your teenage years… you are beginning to come into your body… you are beginning to understand sex… or what they were teaching in those sex education classes in the 80s…. you are being taught that all that you are thinking and fantasizing about is wrong. That who you are is wrong. That all that you desire is wrong. And then you entered my life and told me that I could be who I am, love the skin I am in and love who I was born to love.
Yesterday all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and watch everything that was about Prince because as with any artist you admire and LOVE for the blessings they add to your life… they become your family even if you have never met them. There was something about PRINCE… his voice… his presence… even if you only did get to experience him only on the screen and radio.
The musical arrangements
His breathing
His screaming
His vulnerability
His ability to reach into your soul and become one with you…
There are not many artists I can say that about…
I will forever be grateful for all you gave me!
BEAUTIFUL ONE… this DOVE is crying!
Love,
Alicia
Copyright © 2016 by Alicia Anabel Santos
