After being surrounded by so much peace, so much acceptance, so much love and faith, surrounded by people who are dealing with their own tragedy and devastation… today I return home to hate!
Today was my first day back at work and there was a moment. There was a moment where I just watched the door. I was completely terrified. I watched as 30 little girls 11, 12, 13-year-olds all sat around in a semi-circle, theatre style, for a special performance. The girls were going to be performing poetry, monologues, short stories and rapping. They were excited about showcasing work they created and worked so hard on.
My co-workers and I watched these beautiful Black/Brown, White, Asian, Hindu, Catholic, Baptist, and Muslim girls as they all came together to celebrate each other. And I can’t lie… I kept my eye on the door.
I kept waiting for a terrorist with a white face to come into the room and open fire on all of us. I kept thinking about what I would do. I kept thinking about how I would protect these little girls and my co-workers. I kept praying that I would be strong enough to keep him out and keep the girls safe. Where are we safe?
Are we safe at school?
Are we safe at home?
Are we safe walking in our own neighborhoods?
Where are we safe?
I pray for strength. My meditation today is all over the place. I AM angry. I AM sad. I AM scared. I AM confused. I AM numb. I AM sick to my stomach. I AM ill. I AM hurt. I AM devastated. I AM furious. WHERE ARE WE SAFE? WHERE AM I SAFE?
Why would someone do this?
The only answer I have that feels 100% correct is that for someone to do this they must be filled with a tremendous amount of HATE! Hate did this! Hate is taught and has been passed down. We have been hated from the moment our ancestors were stolen from Africa and brought here. We are hated! And this hurts deeply.
I have heard and read so many posts about how the families of the victims in Charleston have forgiven the murderer. These people are amazing. These are spirit filled, good people with beautiful hearts and souls. I don’t know if I am strong enough to have forgiven quite yet. Forgiveness is powerful.
Today I pray for strength!
Today I pray for peace!
Today I pray for love!
Today I pray for clarity!
Today I pray for understanding!
Today I pray for Charleston!
Today I pray for safety!
Today I pray for places of worship that are intended to be safe… may we all be protected!
Today I pray for the strength to forgive!
And so it is. Namaste. Aché
With all my love,
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