Nepal Trip ~ Day 48: Its Not About What You Deserve!

“Its not about what you deserve! Its about what you negotiate!”

“Alicia, why do you think the world owes you something? Why do you think anyone owes you anything? Why do you believe you should be rewarded? Why do you think your hard work should be recognized? Why isn’t just doing the work enough? Do you know your worth? Does what you negotiate align with who you are? Are you being paid for the quality of the work you provide?”

Yamuna has given me so much to think about. I have never been checked in such a way.

What is the real reason I do this work?

Why do I write?

When I first began writing where was ego then? It seemed ego was nowhere to be found when I first picked up the pen. What changed? When did I begin to resent people and experiences?

When you know who you are you don’t question where you’re headed! When you know your worth you never settle for less than what you deserve! And are you negotiating for what you want?

I didn’t ask for much in the beginning. I didn’t get many raises. I didn’t question what I was offered because I was happy and grateful to receive anything. I accepted scraps.

There are very specific things I remember about my beginnings. I had very basic necessities and expectations that were just enough. I was a student of craft. I was just starting to learn about writing. I was just learning about myself. In my beginnings what I had was enough. I didn’t question what I was offered. 

Yamuna and I talked for hours about my beginnings and what I had learned about myself. She asked me to come back to myself and to reconnect with my beginnings. To tap into the moments when I was my most humble. She reminded me to know everyone’s last name.

REFLECTION

My beginnings…

In the beginning I came at this writing dream with excitement, vision, creativity, passion, wonder, humility, laughter, hope, inspiration, faith and love. Everyday I woke excited to begin writing. I never worried about it being perfect. I didn’t concern myself with fame or accolades. I wrote about everything. I wrote all the time. I did not put pressure on myself. I just wrote!

Then society began to make question everything. My ability, my skills, my talent, my worth and my story. People around me made me question how far I have come or not come! I began to question what I have or don’t have. I began to question writing. “Maybe I had picked the wrong dream, the wrong gift to hone?”

Silencing the voices so that I can hear my own voice! This is what I needed to do.

What is it I believe I deserve?

In the beginning I believed that I deserved a space to create and when it didn’t exist I created it. In the years that followed I believe that I have done some pretty amazing things and accomplished some pretty incredible goals. I believe that I HAVE done the work and that I will continue to do the work. My dream of becoming a writer has happened. I am a WRITER. I believe I am all of that! I believe I have learned, earned and gained so much. I believe I have so much more to learn. I believe the work is just beginning. I believe I have so much further to go.

Today what do I deserve?

I will be surrounded by the right people!
I will call forth exactly what I want for my life!
I will have the opportunities I have been dreaming of!
I will have representation!
I am taking very brave steps!
I know my worth!
I will negotiate for what I deserve!

She continued sharing with me the importance of knowing someones name.

“When you know someone’s full name you have taken the time to remember them, you have taken the time to commit them to memory. Knowing a persons name makes them important to you. This is what separates the truly great people. This is what makes people truly special. When I remember someones name there is no way I could ever believe I have gotten here on my own! And to these people I remember your name and I thank you.

And so it is. Namaste. Aché

With all my love,
Alicia

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